Are You a Crazy Gym Parent?

A bunch of my gymnast-mom-friends once had a joke that we should be on a reality show together where we all were the different stereotypes of crazy gym moms. I think this was before Dance Moms was a thing. Or maybe it was already a thing, I don't know. But we got a lot of laughs out of planning our fake show and assigning roles to each other.

I'm not being judgmental, believe me, as I record these stereotypes. We probably have all fit into these categories at one stage or another. Life and schedule often dictate how involved we are in our kids' activities. It's not simply a product of our personal brand of crazy.


The I'm-Watching-Every-Second-Of-My-Child's-Practice Parent 

This parent feels like they have to watch every moment just in case they miss something. I've seen these parents at our gym--sitting there glued to practice like it's a soap opera on TV. I'll admit, I was one of them. Part of that was necessity, because we drove a long way to practice so it wasn't practical to drop off and go home. Still, once you've developed a habit of staying for practice, it's hard to break that habit, for both you and your child. They aren't usually old enough yet to want you gone, and you're interested, invested in what they're doing, so you like to stay.

Tips for breaking the stereotype: Even if you're stuck at the gym for necessity, find a hobby. I wrote novels while my daughter was practicing. I got a lot of done during those years when I "lived" at the gym. Take up knitting or embroidery. Get a part-time job that you can do on a computer from the gym. Find something to do so you're not sitting there analyzing your child's every move. Because, honestly, it's not healthy for either of you (and your child's coach probably won't appreciate your constant analysis, either). Your child needs to own their sport for themselves, and you have to find a little bit of a life outside the gym.


The Gymnastics-Is-Better-Than-Daycare Parent

I would say it's quite natural to start your life as a gym parent staying for every second of practice and end your life as a gym parent dropping off and never, ever staying for practice. It's all part of the evolution of gym-parenthood, of learning to let your kid go and do their own thing. But there are some parents who start their kids in gymnastics with a drop-you-off-see-you-later attitude, and these are the stereotypical parents we're talking about here.

This parent loves that they get to drop their child off at gym and leave them there most of the day. "Wow, why aren't more people doing this?!" they wonder. Their kids are developing all these great habits and skills and the parent doesn't have to do anything but pay the bill every month. It's an amazing deal! You don't see these parents at the gym much. And sometimes they're very late picking their kid up from pre-team. "It's okay, the coach can take care of them until I show up." 

Tips for breaking the stereotype: It's good to find a balanced investment in your child's gymnastics career. It's good not to let gymnastics completely take over your life, but as an involved parent, it's also good to watch a practice from time to time to make sure that your kid is safe and happy and applying themselves. Yes, gymnastics is a great sport and a good investment in your child's future, but you are part of your child's team. They need your support, they need you to stay interested. Find that balance.


The Woe-Is-Me Parent

There are several attributes a child has to have to succeed at gymnastics, and if they're short on one of these, you can bet the woe-is-me parent will complain about it. "Why is all this so expensive? I can't afford this sport! If we just had more money...." "Little Priscilla just isn't very flexible and she refuses to stretch at home! If she had just been born more flexible...." "She's been working on getting that toe shoot for six months and she's just not getting it. Is there something wrong with the coaching here?"

I'm raising my hand that I am one of these parents. I have really felt convicted about my complaining sometimes -- about my finances, about my daughter's natural abilities, about how long it can take her to get a skill.

Tips for breaking the stereotype: It's okay to talk about what you're feeling, just don't fall into the blame-game. If your child's failure to achieve what you think they are able to achieve is always something or someone else's fault, then it's time to analyze your own thoughts and motives and preach yourself down from that ledge. Your child will accomplish what they can accomplish in their own time, within the means you've been given, with the abilities that God has given them. Make a list of the things they're doing well and how they make you proud. Focus on that when you're tempted to complain or when you start feeling discontent.


The My-Child-Can-Do-No-Wrong Parent

This parent sees only perfection. This parent thinks their child is a gift to the earth and the sport of gymnastics. This child is endlessly talented, hard-working and beautiful. They are always respectful, always upbeat, always putting in 110% (that's impossible, by the way). Every new skill, every amazing work out is documented on social media for all to see and appreciate.

No, no, now maybe your child is THAT kid and if so, I congratulate you. But some of the kids whose parents talk about them that way are just ... regular kids. Meaning, they're not perfect. Which is fine. Who expects anyone to be perfect? Certainly not me. I personally enjoy hanging out with imperfect people because I'm one myself.

Tips for breaking the stereotype: It's fine to be proud of your child's accomplishments (you should be! Every gymnast is accomplishing something amazing!), but make sure you're looking at your child and their abilities realistically. Is your child's coach talking about them the same way you are? If so, then maybe you have that special, one-of-a-kind miracle child. If their coach is trying to point out flaws in character and you're not listening because your child can do no wrong, then it's time to reevaluate. It's also important to encourage your child, but if your brand of encouragement sounds something like, "You're right and everyone else is wrong...." maybe take a step back.


The Independently Wealthy Parent

While some of us are groaning over meet season because of the high cost of travel, this parent is encouraging the coach to book meets in the Bahamas and Hawaii. They're flying their kid all over the country in the summer to attend the best camps. Privates with the coach? No problem. Let's do several every week to get ahead. At meets, they stay at resorts. A $50 sweatshirt from every meet? No problem. Massages, acupuncture, every gadget and treatment known to man to help their kid feel their best. All the new, sparkliest leotards. At-home gyms with all the equipment so they can get in extra practice. Private trainers. Get that kid practicing 40 hours a week. Money is no object! Every gym has parents like this. Some gyms are filled with mostly parents like this. It is the nature of the sport of gymnastics. It attracts richer, driven, hard-working parents and their children.

Does this type of parent fall into the crazy category? They certainly can if they take it too far, but just being well-off doesn't automatically make you crazy. But I think to most of the world well-off gymnastics parents who spend lots on gymnastics can seem crazy. You spend $20,000 during a meet season? Seriously? I think a lot of regular people would think that's crazy. (But heck, a lot of people I'm sure think I'm crazy for letting my child spend 25 hours a week in the gym. So, whatever...) Judge yourself and your motives. Are you overdoing it? 

Tips for breaking this stereotype: If you have that kind of money, good for you! I don't blame you for using it. Just be aware that not everyone is in that boat, and you'll be fine. Think twice before you recommend a top-dollar restaurant for a team dinner that everyone is required to attend. Help out with booster club events even if you never have to utilize booster club funds. It's all part of being a contributing, considerate part of the gym family. Don't be a snob. The sad thing is when people who are not independently wealthy feel pressured to keep up with the folks who are independently wealthy. It's okay to tell your child no if you can't afford that camp or that trip or that meet t-shirt. If you're having to count your pennies, the sooner you can come to terms with doing gymnastics differently than the more well-off parents, the happier you'll be.


The Hyper-Competitive Parent

You knew I was getting to this one, because this is the stereotype of all stereotypes. There are lots and lots of versions of this parent. Lots of ways to be crazy! Lucky us! These parents often think their child is destined for the Olympics. Or they are super vocal at meets and let their emotions completely take over their common sense. Or they're completely obsessed with every aspect of their child's sport and scores and placings. You can probably find yourself in one of those categories. Sometimes it starts just because we sincerely enjoy the sport and want to learn more about it ... and go overboard. Sometimes we think our child being first is the most important thing in the world.

Tips for breaking the stereotype: What would happen if we had friends at the gym who would be honest with us when we are being hyper-competitive? It's tough, though. The truly hyper-competitive parents won't get close to many of the other parents because they are competing with them. They often think they have a prodigy on their hands and it's their God-given responsibility to see that child's potential fulfilled. And so they act crazy ... moving gyms countless times, yelling at their kid, yelling at coaches. Now, to be fair, sometimes a gym-switch is called for. Sometimes your kid needs a good lecture (but they don't need a lecture if all they did was have a bad meet). Sometimes you need to have a conversation with a coach. Sometimes there are emotions involved with all these things. That doesn't make you crazy. But if you take any of those things too far, then you are in the crazy camp, and hopefully you have friends who can bring you back into the non-crazy fold, who will listen to your crazy and talk you down. Do you have those sorts of people in your life? Are you willing to listen to them? I so appreciate my fellow gym parents, how they listen and are realistic with me. I appreciate my daughter's coaches who put up with me when I'm having a weak moment or series of moments, when I let my mostly dormant competitive nature take over. If you find yourself distancing yourself from the other parents because "they're all against you," it might be time to reevaluate yourself. Are you sure you're not the hyper-competitive one of the bunch?


Did I miss any stereotypes? Do you see parts of yourself in any of these categories?